Pilot episode<br /> <br /> Vicky Pollard is caught hiding pick 'n' mix sweets inside her trousers at a supermarket. Dafydd comes out to his parents, but his mother's reaction is not quite what he expects.

• Vicky is in trouble with her teacher for not handing in her essay. <br /> <br /> • Sebastian is jealous of the new Treasury aide. <br /> <br /> • Emily Howard goes to a pub.<br /> <br /> • Andy insists Lou takes him to the opera. <br /> <br /> • Children of Kelsey Grammer School take it in turns to read a novel. <br /> <br /> • Gary introduces Jason to his family. <br /> <br /> • The pianist wonders if he's still got the plastic bag he brought with him. <br /> <br /> • Kenny Craig takes a date to a Chinese restaurant. <br /> <br /> • Jeremy Rent has a part for Dennis Waterman in a play of Macbeth. <br /> <br /> • At Fat Fighters the buzz word for the day is 'Cravings'! <br /> <br /> • Ray McCooney is asked how he makes his soup. <br /> <br /> • Lou takes Andy to the swimming pool. <br /> <br /> • Daffyd Thomas' 'only gay' title is challenged by Old Ma Evans' new lodger. <br /> <br /> • Vicky's done her essay. <br /> <br /> • Two Minstrels, listen to anti-minstrel politician. <br /> <br /> • World Record Attempt - Most Beans in a Bath.

• Daffyd realises his exclusive copy of the Gay Times has been sold and demands to know who too. <br /> <br /> • Lou is taking Andy out for dinner. Andy wants to go dressed as a Smurf, against Lou's better judgement. <br /> <br /> • Vicky is accused of pushing a young girl into a swimming pool. <br /> <br /> • At Kelsey Grammer school the boys are preparing to take a test. <br /> <br /> • Dr Lawrence is in his office informing an inspector how the Steven Spielberg institute is run. <br /> <br /> • Sebastian walks in while the PM is changing and pounces on him, claiming there's a sniper at the window. <br /> <br /> • Back at the institute Dr Lawrence is showing the inspector how Anne likes to look after the garden. <br /> <br /> • Back at Kelsey Grammer School the test continues while the teacher does a bit of vacuuming. <br /> <br /> • Lou is installing handle bars next to Andy's toilet so he can pull himself onto it when Lou isn't there. <br /> <br /> • Dame Sally Markham finishes 'The Lady in White' but it's only seventy-six pages long. <br /> <br /> • David Soul is asked to visit a sick child in hospital. <br /> <br /> • Marjorie defends Fat Fighters against an 'anonymous' tip off that the whole thing is just a scam. <br /> <br /> • Dr. Lawrence continues his tour in the canteen where Ann is doing her best to ruin their meals. <br /> <br /> • Jason performs the Heimlich manoeuvre on Gary's Nan... or at least we think that's what it was. <br /> <br /> • Back at school, the pupils battle through their test as the teacher sets off three fireworks in the classroom. <br /> <br /> • Clive is hoping his wife Liz will be quiet about her past claim to fame while they're at a restauant. <br /> <br /> • Les McKeown performs some songs for the sick child and her parents. <br /> <br /> • A retired police officer starts teaching driving lessons while still wearing his uniform. <br /> <br /> • The record attempters are attempting the world record for tallest man.

• Sebastian reviews the PMs bad press after a recent bi-election. <br /> <br /> • Vicky's in a pub trying to buy alcoholic drinks for herself and her mates. <br /> <br /> • Lou's taken Andy to the seaside and is trying to buy him an ice cream. <br /> <br /> • At Kelsey Grammer school a pupil called 'Thorpe' has been moved down a year. <br /> <br /> • Kenny Craig is playing Scrabble with his Mum at the hospital. <br /> <br /> • The two Black-and-White Minstrels are trying to find accomadation. <br /> <br /> • After an informative debate about the fat content of dust, Marjorie introduces the group to her sister Barbara. <br /> <br /> • Back at Kelsey Grammer, there's new addition to the class. from the seventeenth century. <br /> <br /> • The Pianist stops his performance to check the time Sainsbury's supermarket shuts. <br /> <br /> • Daffyd's bored as he believes there's no social activities for gay people. Myfanwy proves him wrong. <br /> <br /> • Lou takes Andy to the video shop. <br /> <br /> • Emily Howard is renting out a room. <br /> <br /> • Sir Bernard Chumley greets an aspiring young actor - Joe. <br /> <br /> • Ray McCooney has a very satisfied customer... well he was. <br /> <br /> • Kelsey Grammer school has another new boy... here boy! Fetch! <br /> <br /> • Dame Sally tries to finish off a book by extending words of quotes by several letters. <br /> <br /> • Denver Mills has been booked to promote Hug-a-Leper week. <br /> <br /> • World Record Attempters attempt to eat the most hard boiled eggs.

• Daffyd goes to get a hair cut but his usual Hair Dresser is off. <br /> <br /> • Emily Florence is having an X-Ray. <br /> <br /> • Lou is about to take Andy home from the pub, Andy insists that he doesn't need to go to the toilet first. <br /> <br /> • Dr Lawrence shows, Dr Beagrie how Anne fits perfectly into the job of Librarian. <br /> <br /> • Vicky Pollard's in court charged with shoplifting. <br /> <br /> • Matthew Waterhouse has a multitude of ideas for a kiss-a-gram agency. <br /> <br /> • At Kelsey Grammer school, the teacher asks the pupils some hard maths/history questions. <br /> <br /> • Sandra Patterson enters her son Ralph into an audition for a commercial. <br /> <br /> • Back at the library, Anne 'processes' a book.<br /> <br /> • Des Kaye is stopped from selling his videos and attacking a customer with a crocodile puppet. <br /> <br /> • Anne's finished her shift at the library. <br /> <br /> • Royal correspondant Peter Andre is sacked from the BBC. <br /> <br /> • Lou offers Andy a chocolate. <br /> <br /> • At the opera, a man suffers a heart attack. Luckily April and Neville are on hand. <br /> <br /> • Ray has some rather fussy American tourists, who keep asking questions, not a good idea when Ray McCooney's concerned.<br /> <br /> • Miss Grace is shocked that Dame Sally is actually dictating a story that could actually sell. <br /> <br /> • Dennis Waterman seems to have gotten over his 'Write the theme tune, sing the theme tune' stage and actually signs a contract. <br /> <br /> • Liz is pushed out of the lime light by a stranger who claims he went to school with Paul McCartney. <br /> <br /> • The world record attempters are attempting the most cigarettes smoked at once.

• Vicky Pollard is summoned to the governess' office for biting Jackie Hayes. <br /> <br /> • Andy insists Lou buys him a snake. <br /> <br /> • The Prime Minister holds a politcal press conference with some unusual people. <br /> <br /> • Marjorie expresses her views on liposuction.<br /> <br /> • Samantha asks Edward how much he loves her... and gets a very detailed answer. <br /> <br /> • At Kelsey Grammer School a young boy has an interview with a new Robot careers advisor. <br /> <br /> • Lou takes Andy to the Library. <br /> <br /> • As things start to look romantic, Edward asks Samantha to draw the curtains... <br /> <br /> • Bernard gets meals on wheels for sister Kitty. <br /> <br /> • Peter Andre tries to sneak into a royal garden party. <br /> <br /> • Kenny Craig sells videos at a car boot sale. <br /> <br /> • Matthew Waterhouse tries to impress a leading theatrical producer <br /> <br /> • Daffyd visits the Llandewi Breffi Sexual Health Clinic. <br /> <br /> • Denver Mills stands in for Fatima Whitbread at a school. <br /> <br /> • Lou takes Andy up many hospital stairs. <br /> <br /> • Eilene is comforting her bereaved sister Janet. <br /> <br /> • At DIY universe, The new boy Kieran unwittingly asks Des Kaye about the Bubble Twins. <br /> <br /> • World Record Attempt for a House of Cards.

• The Prime Minister is having a meeting with the Chancellor of the Exchequer. <br /> <br /> • ITV have want Dennis Waterman to reprise all his roles from Minder. <br /> <br /> • In Darkly Noone, Dr Alban diagnoses Vicky as being eight months pregnant. <br /> <br /> • At the Annual Police Federation Dinner, Denver Mills has been booked to give an after-dinner speech. <br /> <br /> • Lou's taken Andy to the newsagent to pick out a birthday card for his brother Declan. <br /> <br /> • Marjorie bumps into Paul and Meera at the supermarket. <br /> <br /> • Ray's got the TV Repair man in and tries to give the most crpyitcal explanation of what happened. <br /> <br /> • Dr Lawrence has taken Anne home with him. <br /> <br /> • Des Kaye bumps into his former boss Robin Dee and Dicky Bubble. <br /> <br /> • Lou and Andy look at holiday destinations, Andy insists he wants to go to Helsinki. <br /> <br /> • At Kelsey Grammer school, Mr Cleeves reads out some messages. <br /> <br /> • Sandra and Ralph Patterson break into the offices of the Royal Shakespeare company. <br /> <br /> • Back at Dr Lawrence's home Anne has some creative uses for egg and tuna sandwiches. <br /> <br /> • The pianist stops playing when he realises he's forgotten to set his video recorder to tape Room 101. <br /> <br /> • Dame Sally adlibs a plot involving a character reciting the entire Bible. <br /> <br /> • Matthew Waterhouse gatecrashes a board room meeting with a trolley full of ideas for breakfast cereals. <br /> <br /> • It's Maria's funeral, Lou's being as gentle as he can with Andy. <br /> <br /> • In a charity shop a lady is asking the store owners if anyone died in various items of colthing. <br /> <br /> • Dr Lawrence and the children are playing outside and Anne's busy throwing objects out of an upstairs window. <br /> <br /> • Emily Howard's at the seaside having a hard time convincing various people he's a lady. <br /> <br /> • The World Record Attempters exhibit the world's smallest ant.

• Vicky Pollard gets a visit from a social worker.<br /> <br /> • At Fat Fighters Marjorie and Paul try to forget the night before.<br /> <br /> • Lou paints Andy's bedroom red.<br /> <br /> • Daffyd's gay night is a success.<br /> <br /> • Sir Bernard's sister kitty is dead, well maybe.<br /> <br /> • New term at Kelsy Grammar school.<br /> <br /> • Ralph Patterson auditions for Bugsy Malone. <br /> <br /> • PM and Sebastian discuss the Party Conference speech.<br /> <br /> • Jason and Gary visit Gary's Nan, there is then toe sucking.<br /> <br /> • World record attempters make largest mince pie.

• Emily Howard helps to fix an ice cream van. <br /> <br /> • Daffyd discovers Myfanwy's Lesbonic secret.<br /> <br /> • Vicky Pollard gives a speech to her ex-school mates.<br /> <br /> • Lou and Andy have a bonfire.<br /> <br /> • Boris babysits.<br /> <br /> • Kelsey Grammer School have a crips exam.<br /> <br /> • At Ye Olde Hotel Ray's tax payments are overdue.<br /> <br /> • Dame Sally gets to Miss Grace type the Radio.<br /> <br /> • At Fat Fighters, Mrs Harrison from Head Office attends and Marjorie is sacked.<br /> <br /> • Concert pianist stops to read a text message.<br /> <br /> • Michael meets the Italian Prime Minister. <br /> <br /> • World Record Attempters go for Most people in a Mini.