第 12 季 共 16 集
播出时间：2014年10月30日
第 1 集 The Ol' Mexican Spinach
播出时间：2014年10月30日
Walden, dressed as Zombie Elvis, and Alan, dressed as Duckie from Pretty in Pink (a role Cryer actually played) but mistaken for Ferris Bueller, are preparing for a Halloween party when Walden suffers a mild heart attack. Alan and Berta both sit in the hospital waiting room and worry about their friend. Though the doctor says he should make a full recovery, Walden begins to rethink his life and decides he wants a child. He visits an adoption lawyer (Aisha Tyler), who tells him the system is rigged against single males adopting children. Having one failed marriage and two other women in his past who fled after he proposed, Walden is at an impasse, so he proposes to Alan.<br />
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Title quotation from: Alan, referring to Walden's pot-smoking habit as he talks to the EMT in the ambulance.
第 2 集 A Chic Bar in Ibiza
播出时间：2014年11月6日
After thinking about the proposal, Alan agrees to marry Walden. According to Walden, Alan has 9 out of the 10 things he wants in a spouse. They break the news to their mothers, Berta, and Jenny, who are all shocked by their announcement.<br />
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As Alan is planning his perfect wedding, Walden nixes the elaborate ceremony and honeymoon plans. Walden explains that they have a "business deal" and the wedding will be in a courthouse. Walden then brings Alan a pre-nuptial agreement to sign. Alan is hurt that Walden doesn't trust him, and runs off in tears. Evelyn tells Alan not to sign anything, saying she didn't sign anything when she recently married Marty Pepper. Walden's mother Robin tries to set him up with either her female or male assistant. Alan returns home and they apologize to each other. Alan signs the document, agreeing that Walden is the only one with assets worth protecting, and they confirm to each other that they are best friends.
第 3 集 Glamping in a Yurt
播出时间：2014年11月13日
Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.
第 4 集 Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
播出时间：2014年11月20日
A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.
第 5 集 Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
播出时间：2014年11月27日
Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.
第 6 集 Alan Shot a Little Girl
播出时间：2014年12月4日
Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.
第 7 集 Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
播出时间：2014年12月10日
Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.
第 8 集 Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
播出时间：2014年12月18日
Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.
第 9 集 Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
播出时间：2015年1月8日
Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.
第 10 集 Here I Come, Pants!
播出时间：2015年1月15日
Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.
第 11 集 For Whom the Booty Calls
播出时间：2015年1月22日
Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.
第 12 集 A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
播出时间：2015年1月29日
When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.
第 13 集 Boompa Loved His Hookers
播出时间：2015年2月5日
Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.
第 14 集 Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
播出时间：2015年2月12日
After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.
第 15 集 Of Course He's Dead (1)
播出时间：2015年2月19日
Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
第 16 集 Of Course He's Dead (2)
播出时间：2015年2月19日
Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
